I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Randomize
