I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Randomize
