Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
