i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
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