Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
