your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Randomize
