I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
