My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Randomize
