Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
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