I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize