even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Randomize
