You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
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