You're my little dorito
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Randomize
