One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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