I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
