im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize