im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
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she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
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Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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