No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
