i always forget guys have bellybuttons
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Randomize
