First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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