Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
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