; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
