Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
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