my sisters under your porch take her home
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Randomize
