If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize