I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
