the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
