it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
