my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
there's paper in my vomit.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
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