I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Randomize
