ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
