NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
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