why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
