my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
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