How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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