I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
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