her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
