The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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