he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.