so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
These 25 People Are Obsessed With Pizza
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
16 Sexual Experiences EVERYONE Should Have At Least Once
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?