For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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