Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
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I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
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To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.