Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
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he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
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Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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