Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
What a dumb baby whore.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
