I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
