I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
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