Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
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