alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
