I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
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