I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
