call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
as a side note pls kill me
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
