Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
