Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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