Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
