highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
