you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
