You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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