Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Randomize
