I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
It's official drugs can't kill me
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
